We all have those moments in our lives when we realize that everything we’ve done before is worthless, and it is time for change. Some of us wake up early in the morning after an uneasy night and look in the mirror, only to be struck by a realization “I want to be evil…” Don’t you worry, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, as that is exactly the feeling many great men had in the past too! Your name has just been added to the long list which includes characters as prominent as Neltharion, Arthas and Hogger! But first you are probably asking yourself “How to tell the world?” and “Where can I get help?” , well, look no further for you are at the right place! This is The Survival Guide for Cultists and it’s the only book you would ever need!
Chapter I – Dress Smart
Men are first judged by their clothes, so it is smart to start with your outfit. First reaction of just-awoken cultists is to put on their darkest robes and go attack somebody. That is absolutely normal behavior, and nothing to be ashamed of! But, these individuals soon run into their own face on wanted posters and realize that it is a time to hide. With their face about as famous as King Varian’s, these young men resort to masks and hats. Hats might be stylish, but nothing screams of suspicious as much as a shady man hiding his face in otherwise jolly and sunny city. You have been doing things wrong from the beginning if you got to this!
Proper cultists hide their face when doing evil deeds. Nothing terrifies the innocent as much as a faceless maniac sucking out their soul! Being scary and faceless also earns you the respect of your fellow cultists, and the best part is that now you can show your face in public without the fear of discovery! Now that you no longer need to hide in public, you can wear something more casual and blend in with the crowd too.
Cover your face when doing evil, walk freely when resting – not the other way around!
Now, not all of us have magical wardrobe allowing us to swap the outfits at whim. Some actually have to change. If you think that walking behind the corner and changing is a good idea, you are dead wrong! Nothing is as suspicious as a man walking into a room or alley with but one entrance, and an evil cultist leaving very-same room of alley a minute later. Not to mention that carrying your Evil Regalia in a bag all the time is not only burdensome but also stupid. There are plenty of good places to store your wardrobe and change without being too obvious, as long as you make sure you are not followed.
Chapter II – What’s in the name?
After you’ve been judged by your clothes, and not thrown away like dirt, introductions are usually in order. If your fellow cultists learn that your name is William Wafflefry, nobody will take you seriously. Your evil, face-concealing gear needs a proper disguise-name! Not to mention that once your infamy spreads, it will be hard to live with that name too. Remember that you get a chance to name-change once you progress from a lowly cultist to an evil Dark Lord, so don’t be too picky at start! Something modest and easy to remember will do.
Congratulations, now you got two names! Let’s say, William Wafflefry and Render. Next step is to keep them separate. It’s like a game in which you lead a double-life; to some people you are William, to others you are Render. It is important that neither group learns your other name. Cultists are a bit like demons, they don’t trust others with their names. Make sure nobody calls you Render when you are in your casual outfit chilling in the bar, and never let anybody call you William (not even that scanty-dressed, charming witch!) while you are in your evil attire.
Make sure you have different names for your Evil Self and your Casual Self, and never mix them. It is safest if nobody but yourself knows both your names, ever!
Chapter III – Where and when to get help?
Faithful gather for prayer, nobles meet at balls – cultists join cults. When to join your first cult? Before you’ve grown too powerful! Nothing angers Dark Lords as much as a fully-fledged cultist attempting to join their group. Such individual upset the balance of power, annoy the established order and irritate everybody beyond measure. Nobody likes powerful recruits! Join a cult as early as you can, preferably before you’ve learned anything at all about cultist trade.
Joining a cult early in your career has distinct advantages. You will benefit the most from their expansive learning program and will be swarmed by eager cultists willing to try their hand at teaching. And you would be surprised how cultists –love- to teach! Being taught will make you popular with the leadership and beloved by your peers. Terrific! Being a weak and lowly recruit will put you through a steep learning curve and allow you to perform, and learn from, tasks a powerful recruit would never even know. In the end, he who joins a cult early emerges more powerful, respected, experienced and beloved than those who are already powerful than they join. Living in a Cult is a trade of its own, and only way to become experienced in it, is to do it!
Cults don’t like powerful recruits; you must join as early as you can while you can’t even set a piece of paper on fire. This will earn you experience, respect and friends as well as power!
Chapter IV – Polishing the Forbidden Apple
Congratulations, you have cool clothes, fancy name and are now member of your very first cult! It’s time to empower yourself through knowledge and experience. First thing you must buy one of those gnomish alarm-clocks and set them for some time over two months. Why? Nobody likes smart-asses! In your first month in the cult you must simply accept whatever rules, regulations, chains of command or customs they have. Nothing enrages a Dark Lord as much as a newly-recruited cultist claiming to know it better. Enraged Dark Lords can kill, and you don’t want an early end to your career!
What Dark Lords love, are people saying “yes, Master”, “Right away, Master” and carrying out their orders. You are a weakling who just looked into the mirror and realized he was evil, so the tasks your master will give you cannot be that hard! Carry them out, address your boss with respect and bow as often as opportunity arises. Why would you be so submissive? Easily! The more the Master trusts you, the more interesting and diverse tasks he gives you, and the more chances you have to acquire knowledge and experience. Over a few months you will be accustomed to most pitfalls of Cultist trade and know your way around like no other!
Treat your master with uttermost respect and carry out whatever tasks he gives you with conviction and passion. Saying things like “Yes, Master”, “Your will be done, Master” and bowing are an absolute must.
Apple-polisher. That will probably be your first title. Render the Apple-polisher. You got good standing with your master, but you must not neglect your peers either. Best way to remain on friendly terms with your fellow cultists is to make them feel important. Help them with their tasks and assignments whenever asked and whenever you are able, find out what their strengths are and visit them asking for advice on that subject. Nothing pleases a cultist’s heart as much as a chance to teach a rookie! Why would you do that? Simple – so many people teaching you their strongest points will make you more powerful, not to mention you get new contacts – and contacts are GOOD.
Keep your peers well-inclined by asking them to teach you or give you advice, and assisting them when they need your aid
With your master and your peers well-inclined, and first month behind the back its time to become a smart-ass! You have experience, you’ve served well, your loyalty is unquestioned – and everybody knows it. Now it’s time to visit your Master with a few suggestions, while remaining respectful. This will open his eyes to the fact that you are not only a capable servant, but also capable of thinking on your own. By this time you probably know your Cult and your fellow Cultists well-enough to know what they like and need. If you can show initiative and further the goals of the Cult and aid your fellow Cultists without them asking you first, it’s a big win!
Start showing initiative when you know the cult and cultists. Start coming with suggestions when your reputation is established
Chapter V – Surviving as a lowly Cultist
You are slowly proving yourself to your master and your peers; it’s a good time to know something about survival. Generally speaking there are two types of cultists, and by now you should know which one you are.
Dark Warrior knows how to fight and is willing to kill and stand when his master orders him to.
Manipulator prefers to talk his way out of situation and would rather not get his hands dirty, and advance his cause through others.
So, first of all: surviving as the Dark Warrior! It is well known that you itch to show off your tremendous, new-found power and chop your enemies and enemies of the cult to morsels. This is the mistake that has cost the life and reputation of many a cultist. You must be careful on when, where and with whom you pick your fights. If you do not have the brain capacity to make a judgment, don’t hesitate to consult your master. Generally speaking it is unwise to fight with knights, paladins, groups of enemies or in public places – such engagements should be avoided unless you have no choice.
As a cultist you are almost never fighting on your home turf. That means that usually you are fighting to get something, rather than to protect something. That means that most of the time it is enough to merely survive a fight rather than win it. Fighting is dangerous. You can get wounded, you can get surprised by random enemy reinforcements, you can get captured. If you are just ‘in a fight’ and nothing of value is at stake – you should focus on making an escape. What? Yes, making an escape. Fight your way out, run away, anything but get out of the useless fight! Cultists are generally unwilling to die, so if you charge ahead while in a group others will see their own survival odds increase at your expense and leave you to die. When fighting with a group of fellow cultists, always fight as a group! If you are after a heroic death, you should’ve been a paladin.
At last, don’t ever win too many battles against powerful foes. Counter-intuitive? Perhaps. Paladins like nothing more than a worthy challenge, and if they hear of the fearsome Render they will swarm you like flies and beat you to pulp. There is no way you can survive your own fame. Its better to win a few battles that matter, and run away from those which don’t.
Remember that combat is dangerous, not only because it might kill you, but also because victory adds to your infamy and makes enemies. If you can help it, avoid fights and if you can’t seek to escape rather than win. Victory should only be sought in battles that truly matter.
Secondly, survival for manipulators. Most manipulators tend to forget at first that there is such thing as tomorrow. If you grievously and treacherously betray a man today, by tomorrow he will tell the whole city. Sit down, pour yourself a glass of wine and think things through to the very end. It is considered wise to not let your manipulation victims know that you are the one manipulating them. If you can stage your schemes as a random coincidence or merely an accident, you should always do so. Countless great manipulators were ruined by their reputation. If nobody trusts you, it is extremely hard to manipulate! You probably should go back to Dress&Name sections and design a couple more personas.
Lack of reputation is what makes a manipulator. Whatever you do, make sure that you are not personally linked to anything.
Thirdly, survival for all! Drawing attention to yourself is generally speaking a bad idea. About the worst thing you can do is insult the guards/authorities/faith in your casual outfit. Troublemakers and rude sods are prime suspects when somebody is looking for a cultist. Then, you should think twice where you go. Nothing screams “CULTIST!” as much as being caught in the catacombs and other dark places civilians have nothing to look for. If you go there in your casual outfit and are caught, you are toast. If you go there in your evil outfit and are confronted, you will have to fight your way, and that can cost you your head.
Talking about the plans of the cult and cult affairs in any place other than your headquarters is a bad idea. If you do that, you put everybody in danger and just being stupid. Gloating about your evil schemes to vanquished Goodies is equally stupid. Paladins will patiently listen to your rant, learn all there is to know about your schemes, activate their divine shield and teleport away!
Now that we are talking about disguises; by this time you are crafty enough to behave and speak differently in your Evil Gear than you do in your Casual Gear. Fools make use of voice-altering devices, professionals change the way they build sentences, change their choice of words and alter their manners.
At last, know what the authorities have against you. Most of the time somebody who tries to arrest you has absolutely no proof of you being involved in anything illegal; if you watch your own steps closely, you will know for certain whether or not Goodies have anything against you. It is epitome of STUPID to resist arrest or escape from prison when goodies got nothing against you, as that just screams “I AM GUILTY!” . Apologize for the inconvenience you cause to the guards and co-operate, sit an evening in jail and walk free. That’s the smartest thing you can do if you are sure guards got nothing against you. Threatening to get your lawyer, calling them names or telling that they have no right to arrest you will only anger them. Be nice and co-operative.
Never resist arrest or escape from jail, insult or threaten the guards, if you know that they got nothing to nail you with
Chapter VI – Going solo?
You got the experience and the power from your time in the cult. You got friends and colleagues. You got a couple of promotions. If you ever considered going solo, this will be a good time to leave the cult on friendly terms and go your own way. Remember, if you can leave in a good way and keep your friends and comrades in the cult well-disposed, you should do so. It is best to vow never to betray the secrets of the cult you’ve left to be safe too. Before leaving, discuss with the Dark Lord – they are usually control-freaks and don’t like people leaving without a notice. Best time to leave a cult is when you are considered a bit more than a Trusted Member. If you leave before, you won’t have gathered all the power you could. If you leave too late, your Master might think you too valuable to let go.
Chapter VII – Your first scheme
By this time you are probably confident enough to begin your first independent scheme. Schemes are what make a good Dark Lord. Cultists get paid for scheming, patting cats and cackling. Schemes come in many shapes and sizes, custom-fit for a dumb dark berserker or an evil genius. First thing you need is a good goal. Doing something merely for the fun will earn you the reputation of a psychopath, and it takes skill to be a liked psychopath. For starters you should go for something that empowers you further, or take revenge on your old enemy; in worst case you can settle for attacking Goodies, simply because they are there.
After all, this is the only book a cultist would ever need, so we give you some scheme-goals absolutely free of charge!
-Steal power from some ancient artifact or another powerful cultist
-Craft an item of power, such as a sword, suit of armor, shield or necklace (NO RINGS!)
-Experiment on new, terrible spells by trying them out on innocents
-Empower yourself by leeching life-force or soul-energy from goodies
-Summon a big, bad demon
-Make your Evil known to the world by harming the goodies.
-Take revenge on somebody who has harmed you before.
Now, schemes grow more powerful depending on how many people are involved, how long they take to prepare and how complicated they are. If your scheme is sucking the soul out of that little priest-apprentice, you won’t earn any fame nor power. Make sure to reconcile your resources and your ambitions. If you can involve other cultists in your scheme, and have several enemies – fame and glory gained will increase manifold! At all times keep a cool head, don’t begin with anything large. It is always better to make some small, useless schemes for practice involving you and one adversary before trying to involve many others. When your scheme is complicated enough to involve at least 4 fellow cultists, and several adversaries, and your skill allows you to go through it with a cool head and encounter no unexpected trouble – you are prepared to lead your first cult. You’ve done it!
Start scheming. Scheming is what cultists do. Go for something that fits your level of intelligence and organization-skills. Start small, but remember that large schemes earn you more fame and power.
Chapter VIII – becoming a Dark Lord
You’ve mastered the art of survival, you can deal with unexpected contingencies, your casual and your evil personas are perfectly separate. You’ve acquired power and experience during your time in a cult, and have held your first schemes. You are now a competent cultist with real-world experience, history of tough encounters and dedicated service, reputation for reliability and success and capacity to scheme and organize Not many are capable of scheming and know what and how to do. Those who have such power always attract others. If you’ve stayed in your first cult, you will be assigned apprentices or people to guide in your Master’s name. If you went solo, you will organize your first cult of a couple or more men.
If you came so far, Render is no longer a proper name. You should acquire imposing evil armor that screams of “I am powerful” and change your name to something more flamboyant such as Amenrath the Duskbringer. Your next step on the ladder is title-only-fame. If people hear “the Duskbringer” and cower in terror, you’ve made it.
Dark Lords work differently from cultists. First of all nothing makes you look as powerful and terrifying as having others do your chores. Save your powers for the most dangerous and powerful enemies, and your time for most important assignments; send your 2-3 minions to do your menial work and fight your weak foes. Nothing strikes terror in the hearts of goodies as watching 3 dangerous cultists shout “Lord Duskbringer is here!” and cower on their knees as you come to finish the job! The more competent your minions, the more powerful you are! Not to mention minions like to please you by doing small tasks in your name.
A Dark Lord who does his chores in person is weak and pathetic, the more you can afford to delegate the more powerful you appear!
If you manage to run your cult for a while without any minions betraying you, or losing your reputation in a meaningless fight with a worthless goodie, and you don’t run out of schemes it is perhaps time for the next step. Promote your best minion to Trusted Minion and empower him to give orders in your name and promise him minions of his own if he can find more recruits for your cult. If you repeat this step, and can handle schemes large enough to involve your entire cult (it is easier with Trusted Minions helping out), you might very well make it to title-only-fame!
Remember that while schemes are paramount to keep the cult going, you must encourage your minions in other ways too. Social interaction between them is good, teaching them and helping them teach each other is even better. At all times you must seek to encourage your minions to work for you. A sense of being something Larger-than-self is a good motivation, but if you are no big visionary you should settle for rewards of power, knowledge and promotions. If you are a charismatic leader, you might succeed in rewarding your members through your attention and favors alone.
All hail Lord Duskbringer, who unlike those petty fools has started on the very bottom and worked his way to power by his own willpower and might; this man deserves respect and admiration, for he started with nothing and came so far!
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